I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
