i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
