where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How's work?
Spinning.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
