You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize