I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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