i wish my penis had a tongue
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
