That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
