I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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