He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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