I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
