I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
