My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
