i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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