just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
