I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wear drunk well.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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