i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
