You're my little dorito
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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