he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize