She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
