Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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