Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize