I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
third nipple confirmed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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