I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Farmville is her only friend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
