Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize