One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
