we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
