.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
