my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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