youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize