Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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