We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
