Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
