Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
