apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
