I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
