Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
