Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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