After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
