i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize