every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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