I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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