Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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