Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
