I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
