how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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