I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
