I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
