Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
