I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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