Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
