My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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