Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
