even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
