i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize