First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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