I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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