You were right. It hurts to walk today.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
