I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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