five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So much Jack, so little girl.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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