I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
