Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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