If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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