I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize