yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
