farters have to be the big spoon...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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