Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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