we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
