Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
