You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
