Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
