I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
