this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My ass is underappreciated
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
