I feel like abortions should bother me more
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
