What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
