You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
