This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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