I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
