Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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