"it" just moved
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
