White coat. Heels.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
