I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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